i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
