I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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