I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
