Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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