Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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