Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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