I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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