I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
