Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
