I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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