she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
