i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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