my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
