winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
