I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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