you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
