The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
