Already got asked if we're dating
I just saw a hot homeless man
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
