Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
