I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
