I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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