do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
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So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
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I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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