her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
