you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
