are you still at the devil's house?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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