Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
