In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My ass is underappreciated
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
