I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
