Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking