apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity