She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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