I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately