so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
