she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
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Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
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OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.