he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My cat gives me a boner
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon