OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
