Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?

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(210): View more from Texas

remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity

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(240): View more from Maryland

captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.

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(937): View more from Ohio

Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?

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(217): View more from Illinois

I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.

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(254): View more from Texas

It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.

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(619): View more from California

Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.

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(+61): View more from Australia

I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.

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