There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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