Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
