His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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