It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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