I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Found the puke drawer
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
