Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
