Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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