All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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