I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
