end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Randomize
