she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
