theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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