so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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