i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Found your dick twin last night
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
