we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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