3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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