Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
