In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
