Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
