i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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