That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
