I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
