Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
