you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
