Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
