I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
