he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
