we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
