Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
