Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
