I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
