I just saw a hot homeless man
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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