the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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