I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
