we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
