I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the day after is always just damage control
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
