take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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