i don't like sucking hair
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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