their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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