I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
