Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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