i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
