I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
