I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
