he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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