I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
