i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
