apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
