google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
