Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
